Thursday, August 23, 2012

Have I Finally Died Inside?

The above link is... well, it's something to be certain. I don't recall how it came across my desk but once I saw it my nose started bleeding a little bit.

From the website:
What it does:Add this targeted toning gel to your core-sculpting regimen of exercise and a healthy diet to obtain a covetable midriff. The treatment contains a powerful blend of six actives to assist in toning and firming: caffeine, amino acids, creatine, oat kernel extract, latex-rich manilkara tree extract, menthol, and a special botanical extract. The built-in nubbed applicator is designed to strategically massage the formula into your skin, ensuring you’re one step closer to ‘ab’-solutely amazing results.
Suggested Usage:-Place stick directly onto the skin, press down to dispense gel, and massage into midsection in a circular motion starting from your lower right side and up and over the belly button.
-Use twice a day for 20-30 seconds.
-Use in conjunction with regular exercise and a healthy diet.
-Apply before a workout.
-Place product in the fridge for a cooling sensation on the skin.

(^Truly there has never been a more apropos usage of the ellipsis.)

So, for $38 you can get 4.9 ounces of this FatGirlSixpack gel.

I'm not even sure where to go from here. They have a whole slew of "FatGirl" products to rub on yourself to, I guess, make you less fat, but I'm at a loss. I really am. I want to make fun of so many things, but I just can't. I'm too sad inside because this is actually a real thing that people actually bought.

Is this what it feels like to die inside?

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