Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Open Letter To Anderson Cooper

This may not be fair to single out just Anderson Cooper, but unfortunately for him, it was his tweeting which stirred my ire. So, with that said I'd like to pen an open letter to Mr. Anderson Cooper and the rest of the news media. Fair warning, if you have sand in your vagina, I suggest you skip reading this letter as it may cause glass to form in a very uncomfortable way.

Dear Mr. Cooper,

Currently, "you" are tweeting "live" from New Orleans whilst you report on the incoming hurricane Isaac as you kindly showed us all via your Instagram.

Thanks man! It's important for me to know about a possible hurricane. Someone should tell that Google guy about it...

Holy FUCK! That Google guy already knows!!! Within five seconds I found an entire fucking site DEDICATED to telling me that there is a MOTHER FUCKING HURRICANE coming to New Orleans! It even updates to damn near real-time and is comprehensible to even the most basic of fucking mouth breathers.

This shit is AMAZING! If only we had known of this breakthrough fucking technology we might not have needed to send your fucking stupid ass to sit and wait for A GOD DAMNED FUCKING HURRICANE to hit!

How fucking LOW can the common god damned denominator get before we just say fuck it and collectively stick our dicks in a blender to make sure this fucking societal retardation isn't allowed to affect future generations?

This is a fucking picture FROM MARS!




WHY, oh fuck, WHY, would we need a silver haired fuckwit, or any other professional asshole,
standing in front of a fucking camera filming a fucking H.U.R.R.I.C.A.N.E.!!@!!@#!@!! as it comes

Anderson Cooper, I hope a fucking telephone pole impales you live on the air so the taint of your fucking idiocy can no longer be spread.

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