Sgt Awesome's Movember NFL Thoughts

With Week 12 in the books we're in the home stretch and parents all over the Green Bay area will be thankful that Movember is coming to a close.

Do you know where your children are? Aaron does.

The NFC West. San Francisco and the mighty Colin Kaepernick while one of only three teams in the NFL to allow under 200 points in the first 11 games (Bears and Seahawks are the other two) have proven to be an incredibly poor "elite" team who will still walk their way in to a 3rd or 4th seed without issue. The Seachickens still have opportunity to sneak in to a Wild Card slot.

Atlanta I believe will clinch a playoff spot this weekend with a win and can clinch their division with a win and a Tampa Bay loss. This is no surprise to anyone, though like the other early season "hot" teams, Atlanta has fallen off the train lately. I have to give the Wild Card nod to the Muscle Hamster over the hapless 'Aints in the NFC South.

In the NFC North the Minnesota Vikings hold their fate in their hands. While they likely can't hop over both the Packers and the Bears to win the division, they can certainly slip in to a Wild Card with some quality play in the final five games. The Bears and Packers are competing to see not only who can win their division, but also to see who can get their quarterback beaten to death so they can be one and done in the playoffs.

The New York football Giants still hold the division lead, though with the most difficult schedule left in the NFC East and only a two game lead, there is still plenty of time for New Jersey to be calling for Coughlin to be fired. Whomever has RG3 on their fantasy team should win their league. With all four teams playing this Sunday and Monday night, I anticipate not giving a shit about football after Redzone goes off air.

With a win, Forehead and the Donkeys will clinch the AFC West and cruise to a great record care of their pathetic remaining schedule. I refuse to acknowledge the rest of this division exists. (Kansas City, really? How do you still have a team??)

In the AFC South the Houston Texans have been tripping themselves up (well, not Andre Johnson) over and over again yet still hold a three game lead over the Colts whom they have yet to even play. The Texans are one of only four teams in the NFL who have scored more than 100 points than they've allowed. (Texans 116, Bears 102, Niners 129, Patriots 163) The Colts meanwhile have allowed 43 more points to be scored on them then they've scored. LUCK-ily for the Colts, the only teams with better records than them in the AFC right now are the division leaders.

The Baltimore Ravens can clinch the South with a win over the Steelers this week (securing the head to head tiebreaker. They already hold the division record tie breaker against the Bengals.) The Steelers, once looking to take back the division at midseason, have dealt with a slew on injuries that have placed them back into the midden heap of mediocrity. Their week 16 meeting with the Bengals will likely decided which of them will grab a Wild Card spot.

The AFC East can also be clinched this weekend with a Patriots win over the Dolphins. The Dolphins meanwhile, must win the game if they wish to keep their Wild Card hopes alive. Tom Brady is silently putting together another MVP season leading arguably the NFL's best team into the final stretch of the season. No matter the injury it seems that the Patriots are able to overcome them all with a vacuum-like defense and an offense on pace to break NFL records.

Sgt Awesome's Mid-season NFL Report

What a difference quality refereeing can make! We're half way through the 2012 NFL season and the picture is beginning to become a little more clear.

The NFC West maintains its defensive dominance with an average of less than 18 points against as a division (New England dropping 45 on the Rams in London this weekend included!) The San Francisco 49ers have proven mortal, yet will still walk away with the division comfortably on the strength of their #1 defense.

Likewise, the NFC South is a runaway with the Falcons as the last undefeated team in the league. The Saints despite being the 6th highest scoring team in the league, have managed only two wins which is unsurprising when you see that only the Bills and Titans have allowed more points per game. And while Josh Freeman occasionally teases Tampa Bay fans with hope, the same can not be said for Cam Newton who is following up his impressive rookie campaign with what can only be described as "poopy crappy poop."

The NFC North continues to be one of the most competitive divisions in the league, despite the Lions' Megatron putting up Starscream-like stats. The Vikings and Packers head in to Week 9 with five wins each on the backs of Adrian Peterson and Aaron Rodgers respectively while the Bears maintain the division lead riding a crazy hot defense.

The New York football Giants have created some breathing room for themselves, however with their two losses coming from within the division, and the pathetic maelstrom of ass that is the NFC East, it wouldn't surprise me to see the Cowboys or Eagles managing to force the division championship until Week 17. I still don't buy an RG3-led Redskins team accomplishing much this year with that horrible, horrible defense.

Surprise surprise, the AFC West is still a joke, though with the Broncos' only losses coming against the Texans, the Falcons and the Patriots, they should still clinch the division handily. Antonio Gates is still a fucking fantasy football nightmare and I just wish he would die in a fire retire.

Houston was given a taste of humble pie by the Packers in Week 6 and decided to pass it on to Baltimore in Week 7. I am drooling looking towards the Week 9 match up against the Bills where Adrian Foster should score me close to a billion fantasy points. Despite the Colts being above .500, I don't see them being able to grab a Wild Card spot this year without some significantly improved defense.

The Bengals, being the nice team they are, even allowed the Browns to get a win on them this year proving once again that gingers have no souls. The Ravens depleted defense should allow the Steelers to come back and take the AFC North, though I still give the Ravens an easy Wild Card spot.

The Patriots, dealing with significant injuries all over the field are still managing to lead the league in points scored, yards gained, turn over differential and rushing touchdowns. With two of their losses coming out of conference, they should still be contending for a first round bye come playoff time. The Jets, while able to lay some serious wood on the 49ers, remain a hot mess of New Jersey sewage and will be competing with the Bills all year for the AFC East bottom dweller award. The Dolphins' only bad loss was to the Texans and if they can go 5-4 on the 2nd half of the schedule I could see them sneaking into the playoffs at 9-7.

Sgt Awesome's 1st Quarter NFL Thoughts

With Week Four of the NFL season nearly in the bag, a few thoughts floating in my mind:

What is going on in the South? The question isn't who will win the divisions, but which team (Atlanta/Houston) will clinch their division first. Will we see a division clinched before Thanksgiving?? What a pathetic joke those divisions seem to be. With Peyton and Payton gone, the competitiveness of those divisions is completely gone. Sure, Carolina made Atlanta earn their latest win but really? No question in my mind who owns the NFC South.

Houston is good. Scary good. They are hands down the best team in the NFL right now and they're probably in the weakest division. Their Week 14 meeting with New England will likely determine the one and two seeds in the AFC.

Holy defense Batman! The NFC West as a whole allows 17.2 points per game; 15.3 if you take the hapless Rams out of the equation. Only one team (Houston) has allowed less points per game (14) than the top three teams in the NFC West. I still have San Fran as the favorite to win the division, but they've yet to play a divisional game.

The NFC East is a joke as usual. The Eagles gave up the ball 9 times in their first 3 games, they have scored zero special teams touchdowns, and yet by taking the ball away seven times they've somehow managed to get a 3-1 record while posting a -17 point differential. RG3 has made the Redskins a slightly less horrible team to watch, and the Cowboys and Giants are the typical up and down catastrophes that their seasons tend to epitomize.

And four games in, your Christian Ponder led Minnesota Vikings could potentially hold a two game lead on the division if Chicago loses tonight. I think last year's Week 17 game between the Packers and the Lions foreshadowed a falling off for both teams. There is only so long Aaron Rodgers can carry 52 people on his back before he starts to get tired and the Lions... they're just a pitiful mess.The Titans dropped 44 on them! I still see Green Bay winning the division, but maybe the Vikings sneak in and steal the Bears' preseason predicted Wild Card spot.

If Week 1 is any indication, Cincinnati will not be competing with the Ravens for the AFC North title this year. Pittsburgh will go .500 and with the great amount of parity in the NFL this year, Cleveland should lock up the #1 pick pretty early.

The AFC West still belongs to the Broncos and Peyton; their two losses coming against the top two teams in the NFL right now. Next week's game against the Patriots will show whether they are ready to be a legit AFC contender, or just another pathetic team that gets in to the playoffs because someone from the division has to.

The Patriots are the highest scoring offense in the league yet are only at .500 Their preseason "easiest" schedule looks a lot harder when you consider how talented the NFC West is defensively. Luckily, the AFC East is a division filled with bottom dwellers this year. The massive midseason Tebow explosion that will erupt from New Jersey this year will be fucking epic. EPIC!

Teenage Me Is Crying Tuesday Limerick

There once was a boy in Kentucky,
Who was extremely god damn lucky,
He's not Derek Jeter,
Yet an NFL cheerleader,
He allegedly made with the "fucky."



http://abcnews.go.com/US/kentucky-teacher-ben-gals-cheerleader-indicted-alleged-affair/story?id=16039069#.T3ocDqvOxrU

(Seriously. Can I go back to high school???)