Seattle's 12 Man In Action

Contrary to popular belief, the 12th man is not the crowd, but an actual player running around with Harry 

Potter's Cloak of Invisibility. Watch here as he sacks Rodgers.

Tragedy In Pakistan

This weekend a great tragedy has taken place. Abdullah Ismail was taken to a hospital and died of 

complications from inhaling a concentrated dose of intolerance from a burning American flag during a 

peaceful rally in Pakistan demanding respect and tolerance for Islam.

Their peaceful and tolerant demand of publicly hanging everyone involved in the production and release of 

the movie "Innocence of Muslims" is to be heard on the Senate floor tomorrow at noon but according to 

Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, the Republicans plan to "filibuster the shit out of that" 

because "rabble rabble rabble Obama rabble rabble rabble."

President Obama responded swiftly and strongly by saying "this type of partisan shenanigans has no place in 

foreign policy" and has already sent flowers and a hand written apology to Mr. Ismail's family. He has vowed 

that if re-elected he will immediately push for the First Amendment of the United States Constitution to be 

rewritten to simply say "We're sorry."

Governor Romney's camp was quick to point out that "We are VERY sorry and we will make sure all of our 

flags are made at a much, much cheaper factory in China, but we'll charge double for them so it's cool."

If you're nervous about the new dangers presented by the civil unrest around the world, you can now feel 

safe in New York City as Mayor Bloomberg has outlawed the flying of the American flag anywhere within 

city limits for "The health and safety of any potential terrorists."

Colorado Is Officially Now My Least Favorite State (Congrats New Jersey!)

8 year old Konner Vanetta was recently told by the Weld County School System that he was not allowed to wear Denver Bronco Quarterback Peyton Manning’s jersey to school because the number 18 is associated with gangs.

I say again, a third grader is not allowed to wear a football jersey to school because of a number on it.

When asked what other numbers the School System bans, they came up with “13, 14, 18, 31, 41, 81” because, well, I guess gangs are in to numerology?

There are so many fucktarded things going on here that I feel I need to break it down.

1)      You ban things that gangs wear to show their affiliation, presumably for some reason, not one of which I can muster up enough energy to give a shit thinking about.

WHY? If the gang members are all wearing shit that says “Hey, I’m in this gang!” wouldn’t it make it that much fucking easier to keep an eye on them and their illegal activities?

Also, where did MY rights (or Konner’s) go here? Right out the fucking window for no good reason.

2)      Numbers? Really? NUMBERS?

Do you also skim their math tests to make sure you avoid “gang related questions” such as “What is 9x9?”

3)      9x9 might actually be on his test… BECAUSE HE IS EIGHT FUCKING YEARS OLD!

If you think a third grader is in a gang, you’ve got bigger fucking problems to deal with than what he is or is not wearing to school on that particular day.

I am begging the entire school system of Weld County to please read David Carradine’s unreleased manifesto entitled: “How To Jerk Like A Boss” and follow the instructions.

 

 

Link to story: http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2012/09/05/bronco-fans-told-cant-wear-peyton-manning-jerseys-to-school/

 

Open Letter To Anderson Cooper

This may not be fair to single out just Anderson Cooper, but unfortunately for him, it was his tweeting which stirred my ire. So, with that said I'd like to pen an open letter to Mr. Anderson Cooper and the rest of the news media. Fair warning, if you have sand in your vagina, I suggest you skip reading this letter as it may cause glass to form in a very uncomfortable way.

Dear Mr. Cooper,

Currently, "you" are tweeting "live" from New Orleans whilst you report on the incoming hurricane Isaac as you kindly showed us all via your Instagram.

Thanks man! It's important for me to know about a possible hurricane. Someone should tell that Google guy about it...

Holy FUCK! That Google guy already knows!!! Within five seconds I found an entire fucking site DEDICATED to telling me that there is a MOTHER FUCKING HURRICANE coming to New Orleans! It even updates to damn near real-time and is comprehensible to even the most basic of fucking mouth breathers.

This shit is AMAZING! If only we had known of this breakthrough fucking technology we might not have needed to send your fucking stupid ass to sit and wait for A GOD DAMNED FUCKING HURRICANE to hit!

How fucking LOW can the common god damned denominator get before we just say fuck it and collectively stick our dicks in a blender to make sure this fucking societal retardation isn't allowed to affect future generations?

This is a fucking picture FROM MARS!

As in the FUCKING PLANET!

FROM A ROBOT!

THAT WE FUCKING SENT THERE!

WHY, oh fuck, WHY, would we need a silver haired fuckwit, or any other professional asshole,
standing in front of a fucking camera filming a fucking H.U.R.R.I.C.A.N.E.!!@!!@#!@!! as it comes
in?!?!?!?!

Anderson Cooper, I hope a fucking telephone pole impales you live on the air so the taint of your fucking idiocy can no longer be spread.

RIP Neil Armstrong

An American hero has passed away today. Neil Armstrong, the first man on the Moon.

I was not yet born in 1969, but his achievement still holds dear to my heart.

 

Would that I could salute the flag that will no doubt drape this hero's coffin, to show my proper final respect. Alas, I am rather far away and even if not, in my mind it would be enough.

 

Tonight, as the Moon shines bright I shall salute the flag that you drove into the Moon and thank you not only as an American hero, but as a hero to all mankind.

 

Neil Alden Armstrong, 5 Aug 1930 - 25 Aug 2012

Have I Finally Died Inside?

http://www.sephora.com/product/productDetail.jsp?skuId=1438027&productId=P374801&keyword=fatgirlsixpack&_requestid=51744

The above link is... well, it's something to be certain. I don't recall how it came across my desk but once I saw it my nose started bleeding a little bit.

From the website:

What it does:Add this targeted toning gel to your core-sculpting regimen of exercise and a healthy diet to obtain a covetable midriff. The treatment contains a powerful blend of six actives to assist in toning and firming: caffeine, amino acids, creatine, oat kernel extract, latex-rich manilkara tree extract, menthol, and a special botanical extract. The built-in nubbed applicator is designed to strategically massage the formula into your skin, ensuring you’re one step closer to ‘ab’-solutely amazing results.

Suggested Usage:-Place stick directly onto the skin, press down to dispense gel, and massage into midsection in a circular motion starting from your lower right side and up and over the belly button.
-Use twice a day for 20-30 seconds.
-Use in conjunction with regular exercise and a healthy diet.
-Apply before a workout.
-Place product in the fridge for a cooling sensation on the skin.
 

 ...

(^Truly there has never been a more apropos usage of the ellipsis.)

So, for $38 you can get 4.9 ounces of this FatGirlSixpack gel.

I'm not even sure where to go from here. They have a whole slew of "FatGirl" products to rub on yourself to, I guess, make you less fat, but I'm at a loss. I really am. I want to make fun of so many things, but I just can't. I'm too sad inside because this is actually a real thing that people actually bought.

Is this what it feels like to die inside?

Run, Hide, Fight?

With the two recent mass shootings (Aurora, Milwaukee) grabbing America's attention, the Mayor's Office in Houston decided to make public their PSA about an active shooter event (created prior to the recent shootings). It is titled, "Run. Hide. Fight. Surviving an active shooter event." If you haven't seen it yet, I give it to you here. It's six minutes, give it a watch.

The first thing you will probably see is that it seems irrelevant when put in the context of Aurora or Milwaukee, but if you look past that you can see that it is still applicable, if not exactly realistic.

However my main issue with it; that which is the most thorny to my oh so delicate sensibilities, is the order of their steps. I just can't comprehend how telling people to Run and/or Hide before even considering Fighting is smart. Without getting into every single possible scenario (which the general public can not realistically prepare for) I will argue that Fight should always be the first, not last, thought.

Let me define the variables I am using for my argument.

1) An active shooter(s) against a numerically superior group of random public.
2) Random public is not armed, nor significantly organized.
3) You as the individual for which this is aimed are not at this time directly being engaged by the shooter(s)

Situation: A shooter enters area A and starts shooting. You hear/see the gunfire and must react. This PSA would have you think that by Running or Hiding, you are saving your life and that is what is most important. I disagree. I think you should first assess your ability to Fight.

If you Run, you may save your life, but you do nothing to stop the event.

If you Hide you are once again doing nothing to stop the event.

If you Fight, you can make a difference. You can end it. You can save lives.

Fight is the only option which allows for the possibility of ending the event. Isn't that the end goal? Once the shooter is down, it stops being an active event and triage on victims can begin.

Now, before you jump down my throat and give me all sorts of reasons why I am wrong, let me reiterate my thought: Fight should be the first thing assessed. During your assessment you may find that Fighting is not a valid or reasonable solution to your situation, so you then would move on to Run or Hide in the same way that they would have you considering Fighting after you have considered Running or Hiding.

The simple reordering of these words, in my mind, makes a world of difference. You stop being just another panicking, delirious victim to embracing the part of evolution that is responsible for humanity being on top of the food chain.

Consider this: If everyone in the Aurora theater would've thought at first to charge the shooter as opposed to run or hide, do you think he would've been able to shoot almost 100 people? If there had been more of a Fight mentality on all four planes on September 11th, as opposed to just the one, how different would the world be today?

The sheep and wolves seem to reproduce at much greater rates than do the sheepdogs. For the survival of the herd, the mentality of the sheep must evolve and a PSA reinforcing flight before fight is exactly counter to that evolution.

Have you ever heard of a wolf attacking a group of sheepdogs?

The Emperor's New Gun

As a true red blooded American I touched my first gun at a very young age. I think I was in maybe first or second grade when I stumbled upon my father's rifles. I was perplexed somewhat as he never hunted or went shooting and I had no idea they existed until that day. Turns out they were his fathers (or something?) I'm not really sure at this point, I only saw them once or twice afterwards. I'm almost positive he hasn't shot them in my lifetime. Unfortunately, that was pretty much it for my experience with guns until I joined the military.

Fast forward a few years (ok, more than a few!) and here I am today owning a whopping one rifle... which I've never even fired. I know what you're thinking because I think it every day. I fail epically at life. And you're right, I do! I don't hunt so I don't have that excuse to shoot, and I guess I'm kind of lazy about it too. I really enjoy shooting, and I'm not bad at it, I just never do it.

With the shooting in Aurora Colorado being used as the latest politically convenient excuse to bolster the schism in America, I figured I needed a new gun. I had actually been thinking I need to get a pistol for a few years, but a well-armed and unnamed cousin of mine allowed my wife to borrow a pistol while I was away and I just haven't really gotten around to actually getting one. Well, I finally got off my butt, grabbed a gun-nut buddy and went out during lunch with only one goal: To get a pistol!

I had looked at a few the day before and I had somewhat of an idea of what I wanted. I ended up getting a Springfield Armory XDM 45ACP Compact 3.8 which means exactly what you think it means. It shoots bullets. It also is not too small and not too large and with the extended magazine with the grip-flush-maker-thing, it is plenty comfortable to hold. If I want to use it for carry purposes, it's not so big that it is uncomfortable or overly conspicuous. Being able to drop the magazine from either side is nice and if I want to add a light to the end, my finger can reach it with ease without changing my grip.

Unfortunately it seems like I won't get to shoot her until I get home from Virginia, but I guess until then I can cut a gun shaped hole into my hardcover copy of A Dance With Dragons and fit it in there!

Colorado Shooting

I awoke this morning and everything felt like any other day. I showered, dressed, and went to work. I updated a spreadsheet and sent it out.

I then hopped on Twitter.

My stomach dropped and my heart jumped to my throat.

I became numb.

I struggled to grasp properly what I was reading. I jumped on Google to find more.

I read story after story of the events that happened just a few hours ago. A gunman walked in to a movie theater during a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises, threw smoke/tear gas and opened up with an assault rifle in to the crowd of random, innocent movie goers just excited to see the movie. Excitement may have been the last thing at least 12 of those people felt before the candle of their life was blown out by some... asshole.

Asshole is far too good of a word to describe what this person truly is, but at this point I still lack the mental facility to properly describe him.

I am numb.

I went back on Twitter and saw someone post that they lost their friend, Jessica Redfield to the shooter last night. He linked to her Twitter account and when you click her name you can see that her last tweet was about giving her friend crap about not going to a midnight showing. Her final exclamation: "THE MOVIE DOESN'T START FOR 20 MINUTES" ( https://twitter.com/JessicaRedfield ).

I can't comprehend what her family and friends think when they see that.

I (as far as I know) know no one that was there last night, yet it's such an insane, unimaginable act, it still grabs me by the throat and doesn't let me go. There was a 3 month old who got shot. I try my best to turn my mind towards why a 3 month old was at a midnight movie; to get back to my sarcastic, offensive wit, but I can't. I want to, if only so I can get the gears of my mind turning, but they are stuck.

I want to know. I want to know why. I need to know why. I keep thinking about what the family and friends must be going through. My mind is continuing in a circle, unable to escape. These people were just going out to see a movie. They weren't Soldiers on patrol in Afghanistan looking for bad guys. They weren't police going through a neighborhood looking for a suspect. They weren't even mall security guards making sure no one stole panties from Victoria's Secret. These were just everyday people looking to be entertained for a couple hours and now they are gone.

I am not a theist, so it would be patronizing to say my prayers are with these people, and even if I could, it would grant them little solace. There truly is no magic grease that will help these people move on from this tragedy. All I can offer is my sincere feeling of shared shock and sadness, and promise that with time, the pain will fade and the memories lose their sting.

Hopefully one day, they will at least be able to feel numb.

French - Unbelievable

http://io9.com/5926587/what-may-be-the-worlds-first-cybernetic-hate-crime-unfolds-in-french-mcdonalds

^Read that. Seriously. The French are not only not surrendering, they are actually striking first at the most serious threat to the world since zombie Hitler attacked in 1954 (You didn't think Vietnam was just about communism did you? Rube).

Many people in the media are coming down on the Frenchmen involved but I needs must defend these heroes and their swift action. How many of you would engage a Borg drone in unarmed combat? Very few I  would think! Not only that, but these brave Frenchmen defended humanity on American soil! It wasn't even their jurisdiction, yet they didn't hesitate to do the right thing.

Just say NO to assimilation.

Marine Professor Punch

The above image has passed around emails, Facebook, and Twitter for probably close to a decade in one form or another, and likely for longer than even that.

I feel the need to blog about it for multiple reasons, the most glaring is that it is obviously 100% bullshit. If you repost shit like this, I almost universally would love to punch you in the throat. It takes five fucking seconds to check shit out on Google to see if it's real, don't be a fucking retard.

Anyway, on towards my true beef. The message that this shit sends is about as anti-American as a person can get. People tend to see the buzz words and just assume it is meant to be a patriotic flag-waving which is exactly what this is not.

There are a couple of significant buzz words: (not counting Marine, Iraq and Afghanistan) atheist and ACLU.

These two terms are meant to grab you and separate you. They are used in a way to say that being a patriot and supporting the military means that you must be against atheists and the ACLU.

First, the second buzz word: the ACLU. I agree with you, they are douchebags of the highest order, however, they in their own way are looking out for American's best interest. Past that I can't defend them without puking a little in my mouth. (I admit my bias here).

Atheist is the first buzz word mentioned. It is meant to grab you in the same way. Many of us were raised to believe that Russia was full of "godless commies" and this is no different. Here is where I will ask you to think for a second. What is wrong with this statement?

What is wrong is that it is saying that theism is right, atheism is wrong - period. It leaves you no other choice. It gives you the classic "you are with us, or against us" problem. When you add all world religions together, regardless of their disagreements, they outnumber nonbelievers. The term is used very intentionally to grab the largest number of people.

The next few paragraphs reemphasize the previous statement of grouping believers of "something" against all others. During this reemphasization, it forces patriotism in to the mix making theists and patriots make a choice. They are either with the believer Marine who fought for their freedom, or against the evil, non believing professor. The choice is barely there because 90% of people don't even see a choice given to them. It is worded in such a way that disagreement is bad in the absolute worst way.

I however, am here to give you that choice.

Think again for a second, what you are agreeing with. You are saying that America is for assault and battery on people who believe different than you.

Again, it is saying: America is FOR assault and battery on people who believe different than you.

I ask you, how different does that sound from the dogma spewed to suicide bombers before they blow up in a crowd of civilians? Seriously, what is the difference? The only difference is death. You don't want a suicide bomber coming up to you and blowing up, but would you accept them coming up to you and knocking you out? Because that is what you are agreeing to with the above propaganda.

The end part is just as ludicrous. If you think God exists and he is busy protecting troops fighting the good fight, why are there thousands of new graves in Arlington cemetery? Why are there tens and tens of thousands of new amputees from the wars? Heck, why did "God" make all these theists kill other theists (and atheists) in the first place?

It's just blatantly patronizing to the masses and I, as an honest asshole, am officially calling you people on it. I don't care if you are deeply religious and/or deeply patriotic, punching a man because he believes differently than you is putting yourself on the same fucking level as the savages in the Middle East who are killing these same Marines you claim to love.

I am not proposing you must be tolerant of all belief systems, but violence because of someone not believing the same as you do is exactly what is getting the aforementioned Marines and Soldiers killed and I ask that you pull your head out of your ass and at least pretend you can think for yourself.

2nd Amendment

My beloved friends over at Unapologetically American* posted this link today: http://www.ijreview.com/2012/07/10064-un-small-arms-treaty-barack-obamas-backdoor-gun-control-may-pass/

It is absolutely transparent fear-mongering by the far right with little more than paranoid speculation. It makes me want to vomit, as all politics do. However, it touches on a subject that I feel strongly about which is your basic human rights.

The definition of your basic human rights depends entirely on where in the political spectrum the definer sits. I tend to sit pretty dang close to the middle and I would like to take a stab at defining the specific right in question for you.

The right to bear arms is "guaranteed" to us by the Constitution of the United States of America. That sounds nice and dandy, but as the Supreme Court and Congress like to remind us, the Constitution is a living document which means whatever political party controls the aforementioned entities, gets to interpret it, and change it, however they damn well please to suit their political needs.

So what then defines your right to bear arms?

You do.

If you are willing to fight, to bleed, to kill, or to die for that right, then you truly own it and no one can ever take it away from you.

If someone comes to you and tries to take away your gun, you just tell them you'll give them your gun when they pry it...

*I like them on Facebook, so it's the same thing as being friends right? #Semantics

McChrystal and the Draft

Holy dick on a stick I apologize for almost letting this one slide on by.

General (Ret) Stanley McChrystal said recently that if the country ever goes to war again that America should implement the draft.

I'll let that sink in for a second.

One more, just think about it.

You're confused right? If you're like me, that statement is somewhat hard to comprehend coming from a guy like McChrystal. Regardless of the controversy about him, he was still a four star general who spent many years of his career intimately involved in the Special Operations community. The suggestion of a draft coming from a guy who knows better than most what true professional Soldiers can accomplish is... it's just confusing. Especially with the wars of today becoming more and more unconventional, what good could possibly come from drafting a bunch of occutards in to our military?

When I listened a little longer, he made a semi-valid point. He said that with a draft, the weight of the war would be felt more throughout the entire population of the country, rather than the select, proud few who have chosen to bear this weight upon their shoulders. I find it hard to disagree at first. It does make some sense... until you once again take a second to think about it.

I go back to just a few months after 9/11 when even then we didn't have the political will enough to get Bin Laden at Tora Bora. MONTHS! We had Bin Laden's ass three MONTHS after 9/11 but we refused to do what needed to be done to get him. Not since Pearl Harbor has America been so united, yet we held back. It ended up taking a decade of war and one hell of a political call (aside: I don't care if you've got Republican tattooed on your forehead, Obama deserves a hell of an 'attaboy' for giving that operation a go!) to finally get Bin Laden. If we don't have the will to do what needs to be done in a situation like that, there is truly nothing, and I mean nothing, that you can do that will unify the people ever again and forcing a bunch of kids to go fight will do nothing other than enrage an already heavily divided country.

While I understand his idea that a draft would put America's heart in to the fight, I fail to see how he ignores the gaping fissure of ideals that currently resides in the middle of this country. You simply cannot ignore that and expect your idea to hold any water.

So, I ponder, why would he say such things? Is it some sort of subtle dig at those who he feels spurned him? Is his one meal a day finally catching up to him and his brain is lacking the proper nutrition to think straight? Or am I no better than a civilian when compared to his military knowledge and expertise and I can't comprehend where he is coming from simply because I can't see through his eyes?

In my humble opinion, not only will there never again be a draft, but there should not again be a draft. Though again, maybe I am blinded by my own inability to see the truth.

What do you think?

Let Me Paint™ You A Picture

Say you are the lifeguard depicted above. Your AO is to the left of the yellow line and your employer has told you not to cross it (thereby abandoning your post and opening them up to a potential lawsuit) to save anyone.
You are now made aware that there is an idiot drowning over on the other side of the yellow line. What do you do?
A) Run and save the idiot
B) Let the idiot die, he should have read the warning sign
C) Make other lifeguards aware so they can cover your AO and then run to save the idiot
D) Run in super slow motion because you are a crazy hot chick

Most people would probably pick C, which is what Tomas Lopez did, his employer however still felt the need to fire him over it.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57466477/fla-lifeguard-aids-drowning-man-gets-fired/


Yuuup, I'm thinking exactly what you are thinking. That putting option "D" as option D was my subconscious attempt at boob humor.

Fatty McFatfat

The video above is by Jamie Oliver, a British chef who has a reality show about something, I assume cooking. He spoke at a TED conference about why you as an American, are an asshole and I 100% agree with his assessment. (I may have paraphrased...)

I really want to bloviate about how much I agree with his message, but I feel I wouldn't do him justice and will let his 18 minutes speak for themselves. I just find it ironic that half our country gets their panties in a bunch about providing "universal health care" (which we didn't FYI, we just forced insurance companies to insure more people and created a tax on the uninsured) but when faced with the facts about our own fat asses, we seem to do little more than shrug our shoulders.

Enjoy!

Sunsceen Ban

So, the government is once again doing the best they can to murder your children, at least that is what the libtards would like you to believe. I personally think it's not the government's job to raise your children for you, but I'm just a silly guy without kids. If you haven't read about the two children who went to school and subsequently got sunburnt badly, go google it. The mother's blog about the incident is what I will be skewering.

http://lifephotographed.com/2012/06/burn-babies-burn/

^Here she rants about how the state and the school and the teachers; basically everyone involved other than herself, lacks common sense and the only fault I can see is the glaring omission of herself on that list.

http://lifephotographed.com/2012/06/your-questions-about-our-story-answered/

^Here she even replies to people calling her and her children idiots. One of her responses:

I would think with a child with Albinism you would ALWAYS err on the side of caution rather than put her health and safety in the hands of someone else. Was she dressed in long sleeves? Did you send along a hat? It seems too easy to blame the school staff for something that was really your responsibility.
In the course of Zoe’s nine years, we’ve kept her safe. On a normal day, she simply can’t be in direct sun because it’s painful. The result? She’s rarely in direct sun. She naturally self-protects by seeking shade. Yes, we have provided sunglasses for school use. She’s never been obligated to be exposed to direct sun for such a long time in her entire life – it was a new experience for all of us and one I could have not predicted. I think the fact that this is a first says something about our level of responsibility. We’re good, caring parents who have been able to protect and teach self-advocacy to these kids.

OK, so her daughter with albinism cannot be in direct sun. NOT being the key word there. Write that down.
Per the first blog post:

Zoe has a documented form of Albinism and associated 504 plan, the teachers and staff are aware of her extreme sensitivity.

I have no idea what a 504 plan is, and I refuse to google it, but the key part of this sentence is that her medical condition which requires her to NOT [from above, did you write it down?] be in direct sunlight is DOCUMENTED [another key word!] and that the teachers and staff are AWARE! [Ding, another!!]

The mother, the school, and the children are all aware of this legitimate medical condition which was diagnosed by a doctor. So how does something like this happen? Did the school magically spring this "field day" on them? Well if you read through her blog, she says no, she was well aware of this outdoor activity ahead of time. So this mother, who has raised her child for nine successful years, became aware of a school outdoor function that will take place outdoors and involve her vampire-daughter, and she didn't send a tube of fucking sunscreen with her daughter? You ma'am, are an idiot.

Am I too harsh on the mother? Some libtard defenses:

Defense 1: It was raining, so she didn't apply sunscreen. It's not her fault it stopped raining!

No sir. I will use her own words to help you out.

1. I didn’t send sunscreen with them because, up until yesterday, they had never had an issue at school before.
2. This was our first field day at Pt. Defiance.
3. ...it was a new experience for all of us and one I could have not predicted.

Common sense says if your kid CAN'T BE IN THE FUCKING SUN, you should probably send them to school with sunscreen if their agenda for the day is: BE-THE-FUCK-OUTSIDE, even if you think it will rain for eight hours straight. You don't have to be Nostra-fucking-dumbass to be able to predict your super-ginger is going to fry like a slab of back bacon on a skillet if she participates in an event with the word FIELD in the title!!!!!!!!

Defense 2: She didn't have a prescription for sunscreen! She shouldn't have to pay $X to some doctor just so her daughter can remain safe at school!

This defense does hold water if you assume every person in the world is a fucking asshole. Seriously. What police officer, or other arbiter of the law, would actually enforce this law? Do you really think Sally's mom is going to call her Senator to complain that Zoe the albino was using sunscreen illegally during their school field day and that any type of consequences would come from that? I honestly cannot comprehend the level of pure fucktitude required for that scenario to even exist and refuse to acknowledge it.

Defense 3: It's the law! If we don't follow the laws, we'll have chaos and blah blah blah.

Please don't reproduce.

Defense 4: Did I mention the raining thing? Ya? Dang. Um, how about the mother just assumed that teachers wouldn't be d-bags and would actually take care of her child?

While your head is once again in the right place, as they definitely should have and I can't argue that the teachers who had sunscreen AND knew this kid couldn't be in the direct sunlight should've done the right thing and gave her some sunscreen. HOWEVAH, the problem I have here is NOT that the teachers are fucktards, the problem I have is the mother trying to deflect ANY personal responsibility for the situation. You are the MOTHER. When you poop out a kid, every fucking thing they do is your responsibility. Everything. While I agree with the premise that we as adults have a collective responsibility to take care of all children to help create a better society, that in no way removes or nullifies your own personal responsibility for your children.

I Hate The UN

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jun/12/syrian-forces-killing-children-un?intcmp=239

The above story is about the Syrian civil war where children are being used as human shields, being raped, tortured, and murdered. Not cool right? If only we had an international body comprised of many countries around the world that we could use to put pressure on Syria to stop the violence. That would be easy right? Throw a few sanctions at them, maybe they will realize that being isolated in the world is a bad thing.

Well naturally being the good moral people that we are we tried exactly that. Unfortunately the United Nations is a giant bag of fuck. You see they have 193 member countries, and of those 15 are on the Security Council. Ten of those serve two year terms on a rotational basis and five are permanent members. The five permanent members are: The United States, The United Kingdom, France, China, and Russia. These five members all have veto power.

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Got it? No? Ok one more minute...

Ready? Good. So we have the United Nations whose job it is to make the world a wonderful place. We have a Security Council to make sure when some stupid country acts a fool, we slap their dick. Well that becomes difficult when you have five members with veto power, especially when some of the countries are diametrically opposed to one another. I could go on and on giving past examples of why this is stupid, or even just break it down logically, but then you would forget about the story up top about the Syrian civil war where children are being raped and tortured. So I will give you here the bottom paragraph from that story to chew on:

The US and UK have refused to rule out military intervention but appear wary of entering another conflict as they attempt to exit Iraq and Afghanistan. Russia and China have constantly warned against foreign interference and have already vetoed two UN security council resolutions that threatened sanctions against the Assad regime.

Take your time. Read it a couple times if need be. Russia and China refuse to even threaten Syria with sanctions! We are not even talking about invading or bombing, we are talking along the lines of stopping the exporting of goods to Syria. Yet Russia and China use their veto power to prevent us from doing even that.

Here is where some people get divided, including myself. Some people feel that as the last remaining "super power" (though I would argue China should be considered a super power) we should use our power to help those who cannot help themselves. Others think we should leave the world alone and concentrate more on helping our own people. I am somewhat a fan of both schools of thought. I feel that if we are going to exert our influence around the globe, we should gain from it in a much more direct form (read: yay imperialism!), however I also like to think that if a bunch of people still basing their lives on societal norms from the 10th Century want to kill each other, let 'er buck! The more of them that die, the less people there are to continue to threaten the security of every other person on Earth.

Since America has grown a big floppy vagina in the last half century or so, we are forced to reap the benefits of our global "big-brother-ness" in much more subtle or indirect ways. It is essentially political correctness on a global scale and it is bullshit.

Our continued allowance of Russia and China to stand in the way of sanctions on shitty countries (Iran, North Korea, Syria, etc...) is a tacit agreement to allow evil to flourish.

It is all fun and games until you see stuff like this. ^

North Dakota Ballots June 12th

There are four measures coming up on the June 12th North Dakota ballot. In true political form, what they are is being skewed by both sides of the issues to such an extent that it is hard to really know what you are voting on. As I am a proponent of educated voting, I will attempt to explain them in a simple and unbiased way.

Measure 1:

This constitutional measure would amend and reenact section 6 of Article IV of the North Dakota Constitution.  This measure would prohibit the appointment of a member of the Legislative Assembly to a state office for which the compensation was increased in an amount greater than any general legislative increase provided to full-time state employees during the member's term of office. 

You likely haven't heard much about this one as it's actually pretty straight forward and wasn't initiated. Voting yes would mean that a legislator who votes for a larger than normal pay increase for an appointed position, would be unable to be appointed to that position. If the position received an increase of pay equal to that of all other state employees, then there is no problem.

I agree with this as it makes sure no one is giving themselves unfair pay raises and I will vote yes.

Measure 2:

This initiated constitutional measure would amend sections 1, 4, 14, 15, and 16 of Article X of the North Dakota Constitution and repeal sections 5, 6, 7, 9, and 10 of that same article, eliminating property taxes, poll taxes, and acreage taxes, effective January 1, 2012. The measure would require the Legislative Assembly to replace lost revenue to cities, counties, townships, school districts, and other political subdivisions with allocations of various state-level taxes and other revenues, without restrictions on how these revenues may be spent by the political subdivisions.

This one has gotten a lot of play by both sides and unless your head is stuck in the sand you've no doubt heard about this one. Side one says property taxes are a burden to taxpayers and cause people to lose their homes. Side two says if we cut property taxes we lose local control over our government.
Here in North Dakota we've been extremely fortunate to avoid the massive foreclosures caused by the bursting of the housing bubble a few years ago which in my opinion greatly weakens the argument of side one. Side two wants you to think that if property taxes get cut, when a city or county government wants to spend money, it will have go hat in hand to get the funds from individuals who don't live in that community.
Common sense says that if a government loses a leg, it will lean more heavily on the other legs (sales, income, etc).

I pay property taxes that in my opinion are too high, but I have yet to hear an argument that says removing property taxes will force our government to run more efficiently. I will vote no.

Measure 3:

This initiated constitutional measure would add a new section to Article I of the North Dakota Constitution stating, “Government may not burden a person’s or religious organization’s religious liberty.  The right to act or refuse to act in a manner motivated by a sincerely held religious belief may not be burdened unless the government proves it has a compelling governmental interest in infringing the specific act or refusal to act and has used the least restrictive means to further that interest.  A burden includes indirect burdens such as withholding benefits, assessing penalties, or an exclusion from programs or access to facilities.”

Measure three is my favorite just because it's so absurd. Side one wants you to believe that if you vote yes, you are granting religious freedom to North Dakota, or that if you vote no you are stripping people of their religious freedom. Side two wants you to believe that if you vote yes that Muslims will be able to come here and practice Sharia law freely.
If you read the Constitution of the United States of America, you will see that religious freedom is something that every American citizen is already granted and can not be infringed upon. You. Have. Religious. Freedom! This is NOT a measure to take away ANYTHING! So the premise of this measure having anything to do with religious freedom is absurd.
I can't try to explain this any more as I can't figure out a way to do so without backtracking the argument to why this issue currently exists (Rhymes with shmashmortion) so I will just give my opinion.

This is an attempt by the hyper-religious to make it easier for them to further push their belief system on others. (Study history, this is nothing new nor is it specific to a single religion.) This is why I will be voting no.

Measure 4:

This referendum measure concerns Senate Bill 2370 as passed by the Legislative Assembly in the November 2011 special session (Session Laws, Chapter 580).  Senate Bill 2370 repealed section 15-10-46 of the North Dakota Century Code, which required the University of North Dakota to use the Fighting Sioux nickname and logo.

This is easily the most confusing so I will provide the yes/no as well:

YES – means you approve Senate Bill 2370, the effect of which would allow the University of North Dakota to discontinue the Fighting Sioux nickname and logo.

NO – means you reject Senate Bill 2370, and would require the University of North Dakota to use the Fighting Sioux nickname and logo

 If you are unaware of the Sioux nickname issue, I will summarize it for you:

NCAA: No more Sioux for you!
UND: Nu uh! We going to court.
NCAA: K. How bout if you get the tribes to agree in the next few years?
UND: No probs.
+a few years later+
NCAA: So...
UND: We um, one more minute?
NCAA: Sigh...
UND: K, fine. We'll change it.
North Dakota Government(NDG): UND you HAVE to be the Sioux.
UND: K.
NCAA: Remember me?
UND: My hands are tied!
NCAA: I don't care.
UND: FML.
Side one(S1): Screw it, go Sioux!
Side two(S2): Um, but I like postseason play.
UND: I know right?
NCAA: You guys are idiots, I'm out.
S2: Hey NDG, you are stupid.
NDG: You don't like it, vote.
S1: Noooooooo!

Measure 4!

So, if you vote yes, you are voting no to keeping the nickname and if you vote no, you are voting yes to keeping the nickname. The NCAA doesn't give a hoot what our state law is, the sanctions against UND will remain in place until they have a new nickname. Watching UND athletic competitions is more important to me than saying a name, so I will be voting yes.


No matter what, you need to go vote. Voting is how your voice is heard.
If you would like more information about any of the measures, you can find that information here:
https://vip.sos.nd.gov/BallotMeasurePortal.aspx

"Native American" Running For Senate

So Elizabeth Warren... ya. 

This lady decides to list herself as "Native American" to her employers. No biggie right? I have Native American friends and I assume they do also.

Funny thing is though, my friends don't look like this:

Warren and genealogical groups have not been able to provide documentation of her heritage. Warren says knowledge of her heritage was passed down to her through "family lore."

 Are you SERIOUS? REALLY?! You're a fucking professor at HARVARD LAW! How in the shi...

[pausing to break something]*

Ok. I feel better now. Alright lady, I get it, in the literal sense you and I are both "Native Americans" as we were both born in America, but come-the-fuck-on! You will NOT get my vote for Senate, mostly because I don't actually live** in Massachusetts,*** but either way fuck you.








*I was going to go in to a tangential rant on affirmative action but decided I didn't want to burst a vein at work.

**In my heart I do!

***I am so proud of myself for spelling that correctly the first time that I had to brag about it here.

Angry Memorial Day Rant

Today is Memorial Day, yet so many in our country haven't the faintest clue what that means other than it is a three day weekend. This in and of itself is disturbing, however, there is something I find far more offensive. There is an undercurrent of jackassery flowing throughout this nation, not dissimilar to the pink ooze flowing under New York City in Ghostbusters 2. On the surface there is the bright, shiny smile of patriotism (the Statue of Liberty), yet when you look inside, it is filled with the pink ooze of falsehood holding together the entire facade.

The particular jackassery I am speaking of: Thanking veterans on Memorial Day.

Memorial Day, originally Decoration Day, began sometime after the Civil War to remember those who died fighting in it. After World War 1 it became a day for remembrance for all people who died during a time of war in service to America. Post Vietnam the country became less enthusiastic about supporting the military and patriotism lost its appeal. In 1971 the day of remembrance was changed from May 30th to the last Monday in May to ensure a three day weekend. The following decades lacked a simple, definable enemy that had united America in almost all previous wars and Memorial Day started losing its meaning. Towards the end of the millennium the numbers of living veterans of the World Wars had dwindled significantly, leaving most of America to only think about them when reading a textbook or watching a movie. While many people still remembered why Memorial Day existed, its true meaning was preserved by few.

9/11/01.

Muslim extremists gave America the enemy it needed to raise patriotism back to the virtue it was only couple generations prior. While many would argue the need or justification of the wars America was engaged in, support for the troops was almost a universal constant. On Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Patriot Day, the Fourth of July, etc... Americans would gather and rejoice at winning the birthplace lottery and thank those who helped supply them with the freedom and security they enjoyed every day.

Today, not even eleven years past, and already Americans have forgotten what Memorial Day is about. Over the last decade they've become practiced hands at faking their patriotism to a point that it's second nature to spew forth a meaningless "I thank the troops for their sacrifice" without even connecting it to any meaning whatsoever.

Six thousand four hundred and sixty one United States citizens have died fighting the War on Terror and yet today, on the one official day a year set aside to remember those brave souls who gave everything for us, people haven't a clue how it is different than any other day.

So today, when put on your red, white, and blue mask in an attempt to once again fool everyone into believing in your pretension, I am calling you out. You do not care about the troops and you certainly don't care about those who have given their life. If you truly did, you wouldn't be thanking a veteran, you'd be remembering the ones who didn't come home. You'd be comforting the families of those we've lost. You'd be understanding what the word memorial means.




R.I.P. You are gone, yet never forgotten.