Friday, April 6, 2012

Future Lifetime Movie Of The Week?

This is possibly the greatest story you've never heard. It has all the elements of a classic.

Drama between best friends
Sexual tension
Awkward brother-sister relationship
A monkey wrench
A champion gravy wrestler protagonist

I can't wait for Lifetime to green-light this movie!

So Lady A (champion gravy wrestler [yes, I assume there is a belt]) walks in to her own living room to discover Lady B (Lady A's best friend) having sex with Guy 1 (apparently a mutual friend of Lady A and B). Lady A verbally objects to this sexual act being performed on her couch. Guy 1 then grabs Lady A by the throat and throws her in to a doorway. Guy 2 (Lady B's brother) now appears (from who knows where) and starts punching Lady A in the face. Whilst this is happening Lady B grabs a monkey wrench which was simply laying about and hits Lady A in the face with it. Then Lady B and Guys 1 and 2 all leave, not staying around long enough to even to grab Lady B's purse, phone, shoes or pants.

The laundry-working single mother of multiple children, (Lady B) has promised through her attorney to "reduce her drinking" I guess so she doesn't again smash her future best friends' face in with a blunt object.

Honestly though, the absolute BEST part of this story is the last couple sentences:

In the annual wrestling championships at the Rose ‘n’ Bowl pub in Stacksteads, Bisto provided 440 gallons of gravy past its best before date for the contest, which raises money for the East Lancashire Hospice.Local fire crews are called in to hose down the participants after their bouts in the wrestling ring. Wrestlers travel from all over the UK to compete.
Well, I have no idea why the brother was hanging around this house while his sister was getting the business in the middle of the other room, but at least I now know that the donated gravy that English people wrestle in is expired Bisto brand gravy. Hoozah!

Read the story here:

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